Sunday, September 11, 2005
listened to a yelling match between my mum and sis today. it was like watching a tennis match haha! they were emitting high-pitched sounds so loudly i bet they could even beat sharapova. bleagh. then my mum accused my sis of being an ingrate.this is exactly why i don't want my sis reading my blog.my sis more or less said she was where she is now (law;NUS) without any help from my mum. and mum screamed back that without her support she would nv have gone there. which, frankly, is not exactly true. anyway, at the end of it, my sis insisted she nv said such a thing and that my mum had jumped to conclusions.but it got me thinking. i mean, seriously i wouldn't credit my parents entirely for getting to where i am now. i mean, in primary school ,sure, most parents coached their kids like my mum did, but beyond that, it was mostly me and two good tuition teachers. parents can provide the encouragement (more like nagging actually) and the financial support, but other than that, it doesn't go much further. my sister got to where she is now through hard work, perserverance and her own damn intelligence, with a couple of sacrifices along the way. not really due to my parents. and the same goes for me.i think somewhere in my parents' minds (like most parents), they truely believe in the midset that children will learn to appreciate whatever they did when they grow up. but i knew long ago that i was probably never going to, not past a superficial surface at least. sometimes...what they do doesn't make a difference (i.e. INCESSANT NAGGING) and sometimes, it even backfires u know what i mean?its like the time when i was watching this really boring movie on ch 5, and was just about to leave it, when my dad came along and started yelling about how i was supposed to be doing my hw and studying. i mean, he was at work the whole damn day, how does he know whether i did work or not? for all he knew i'd already finished it or something. i hate it when people pretend that they know you when actually they don't. its NOT big brother dammit. so just to irk him and satisfy my rage, i sat in front of the tv for the rest of the movie although it was fricking boring.ok. that was a really stupid anecdote. don't follow me, i'm sure there are more contructive ways to spend ur time.and i can still remember that time when i was in pri 2, and my mum made me stay up well past midnight (i was only 8!) to do maths division problems. i was crying like a fountain but she refused to let me go to sleep until i had done all the problems correctly. every single one of them.but the point is...i can look back and say thanks for being my parents, but i can't sincerely say thanks for helping me get to where i am, or without you i wouldn't be here. selfish as it sounds, i just can't. i'm sorry.much as they try to show their love and concern by doing all these things to us, all i can remember isn't my mum's fervent desire for me to master maths and consequently do well in life.i only remember the hot helpless tears i shed that night in primary 2 and the boiling hatred i felt towards her.
