Wednesday, August 23, 2006
so it came and it went.
all that fear and transferred excitement and anticipation and worries. thinking and strategising and giving up because what would come would come.
I bid farewell to my sister last night.
everything was so rushed and hurried, repacking her bag and offloading over 12 kg of stuff cuz airport controls refused to check it in, that i rarely even got the chance to take one last good look at her. it was so strange that you were the first one who cried. and in the end, although we all cried, it was one hug and another quick one, last words, and off she went with a burden on her shoulder and two more in the luggage hull.
its going to be a year, hopefully 10 months, and so novel and vivid for you, though less so for us.
i just wanna say, this is everything i wanted to say but didn't and couldn't. i know you're probably not reading this but it doesn't matter. our relationship is so complicated i don't even kow where to begin. for nearly 10 years it was filled with love and hate, constant warring as opposed to earlier times of laughter and warmth. both admiring and despising you. i don't know what happened. i suppose its just that you grew up but i didn't.
it hurt, i admit, it hurt so freaking badly that i did all i could to make sure you felt the hurt as well. those were painful years huh. lols. luckily a strange truce formed between us in recent years and relations calmed. i can't say we're best friends now but we do have our share, albeit a tiny one, of jokes and alliances against our mother. yes OUR mother, not 'your mother' as you were always fond of saying although last night's events proved very much otherwise. you always were closest to her in a way. our quarrels have become our unique way of life; there never passes a day when someone in our family doesn't yell.
all i want to say is, have fun in sweden and travelling around europe, take care, and please come back. thanks for the card, for returning me the 50 bucks (you ASS it was your 21st birthday present) and for actually showing that you do have feelings beneath your hard icy veneer. i
will miss you. because no matter what, you still are my sister. and hence, even while floundering in doubts of your love, I fully give you mine.
three continents away and all so far-
